Okay, so it's been 8 or 9 months since I last updated. This is crazy, because I've never had so much going on in my life! If someone would have told me even a year and a half ago that I'd be a pregnant Army wife today, I'd have laughed in their face. This was just never something I pictured for myself, or my family. This post may be a bit of venting, ranting, or whatever. I'm not sure yet, I'm just going to write and see what comes out...
Just to get everyone on the same page..... In May Kyle left to Fort Benning, GA for Basic Training. His MOS was to be an Infantryman. He tried to get Ranger (Special Ops) training in his contract, but they wouldn't give it to him. They told him "maybe... if you're good enough, they'll let you in." So, Kyle's goal was to be exceptional, so that he could get into RASP (Ranger Assessment and Selection Process). Kyle is the sort of man that always strives to be the best at anything he does. As far as the Army goes, being a Ranger is the best you can be without going on to Special Forces, wich we decided would NOT be good for our family. This goal was not going to be easy, given the fact that Kyle didn't get it in his contract. He was going to have to work extra hard to stand out and hope that he'd get the oppertunity to go to RASP.
Befor Kyle left, he was working early in the morning and going to school during the day. He only had school every other day though, and he got off work before Khloe and I woke up. He was home A LOT. We had him all day for half the week, and every night. Khloe was very used to having her daddy around, and I was used to having my husband at my beck and call :) Wow, how I took that for granted. We did everything together, and we loved it. I guess when we signed up for this (
I have to constantly remind myself that we did, in fact, sign up for this....), we didn't take into account the extremely different lifestyle we were taking on. We told ourselves that five months wasn't very long, and we could do anything with the help of Heavanly Father. Which is true, we can do anything with HF on our side. And five months isn't very long, until you are pregnant, and you have no contact except through letters, and five months becomes nine months without your husband.
Without my husband.
Without my best friend.
Without my other half.
Without my baby's father.
Without my... everything.
Maybe it sounds cliche, but I seriously had no idea how much I needed him until he was gone. He seriously takes care of me more than I ever realized. Especially when I was pregnant! I was so lucky to have a man that did the dishes, the laundry, AND loved to massage!! Does it get any better than that? Not only those things, but I took for granted having someone to tell me I look pretty on days that I don't feel it, or someone to vent to after a long day. Someone to laugh with about things I can't share with anyone else. Or someone to make me laugh when it's just one of those days. No one knows me like he does, and nobody can make me feel the way he can.
Being pregnant brought on a whole mess of other needs as well....
First off, I hope you understand that this is by no means meant to be a "pitty-party" of any kind. I don't feel bad for myself, nor am I trying to make anyone else feel bad for me. That is not why I am writing all of this... I am fully aware that I CHOSE THIS. I knew what I was signing up for, and I wouldn't change my decision given the chance. I just need to get my feelings out while I still remember how I felt. There's not really a way to sugar coat it...y'know?
Anyways.... Being pregnant was not so fun.... I was so sick
ALL THE TIME. The first trimester was hell, because I was too sick to function and I felt like the worst mother ever. Thank heaven for my sweet little angel. She was so understanding and self-sufficiant. She tried to take care of me.... I know it sounds terrible, but it was. I tried so hard to play with her as much as possible, and give her as much attention as I could, but I never felt like I was doing enough. Especially because she was feeling the loss of her daddy just like I was, only she was far more confused. She wouldn't talk about Kyle. She would change the subject if I tried. She'd just say "Daddy's at school." And that was all she'd say, unless I was crying
(emotions.... just one more perk to being pregnant) then she'd say "You miss you husband? He will come home tomorrow!" Trying to cheer me up. That was her answer no matter what I was crying about. She is such a sweetie.
I wrote him everyday, sometimes twice a day. It was like a journal to me, because it's not like you can carry on a conversation through letters that take about three days to get where they're going... In the begginning he wasn't getting my letters. They were holding them, because he was doing well. They were trying to mess with him I guess. I was ticked. I was writing like crazy, and every letter I got from him was begging me to write him. It was seriously heartbreaking! He would say things like "I know you are probably busy with ______, but if you could just write me a small letter just to let me know how you guys are it'd mean the world to me...." or "My bunk-mate just got 5 letters! I thought one might have been for me, but it wasn't, so I was bummed"- He was just so sad about it, and it made me feel terrible! Finsally he snuck a call to me on someones phone and asked me if I even thought about him! He was close to tears, because he had only just received my very first letter! (It was about 3 weeks in) I promised him that I had written him everyday+ and he was happy after that. It was so hard to communicate! If he got to call (like never) it was only for three minutes tops. I'd try to ask him anything I needed to know, but it was hard to remember and have enough time. If I wrote him questions in a letter, it was a long shot that I get an answer, because he wrote his letters to me after lights out so he couldn't remember what I had asked. It helped if I highlighted the questions,but that was still a joke. I got so lucky with Kyle though, because he wrote me pretty much everyday! He was so good about it. Not very many guys wrote as much as he did. He wanted to feel like he was a part of our everyday lives, so I took pictures of EVERYTHING! Even things like a bad hair day, or my new toe-nail polish... I sent him pictures with most letters, and I guess he was pretty popular for it. He said that the other guys would croud around whenever he got new pics, so they could see. He said that they would randomly ask if they could look through his pics too and just sit by his locker and look through pics. There was very little entertainment in Basic Training... haha When I met some of his friends, they would all say how much they loved the pictures, and tell me their favorites. "Khloe's first bloody nose" seemed to be a fan favorite for sure, but there were a lot:)
The second trimester was a bit better, because I wasn't sick. However, This pregnancy HURT pretty much the whole time! There were no complications, so I'm definately not complaining, but everything just hurt. Krue would snuggle down in my pelvis and hit all sorts of nerves until he grew too big to fit in there. It was aweful! During this time, Kyle and I could still only write letters. It was hard when it came time to make travel plans to go out there for his Boot Camp graduation, and his Basic Training graduation. We did finally get to see him at the end of July for a couple days!
Khloe got emotional when she saw him! It was amazing! It was like she thought he'd just dissapeared, and was never coming back. She was so happy that she wouldn't leave his side! He even had to sit in the back seat with her the whole time.
She loves her daddy so much!
We went to lunch with a few of his buddies, and it was a blast hearing all the crazy stories about my husband! Kyle actually baptized the guy on the right! Kyle was totally a missionary out there. He was the only LDS guy out of 200 men! He had about 10-15 guys going to church with him every Sunday. They would all ask him questions and he'd tell stories about the 10,000 strippling warriors, Ammon, the Armies of Heleman,
(catching a theme?) etc..... at night. I could not have been more proud of my husband. He had such a strong spirit about him, and he was just... a good man. I can't explain it, but I gained a new respect for him. The way the other guys talked about him with such a... reverence was amazing. They all had so much respect for Kyle and they all considered him to be their personal best friend. It was awesome to see him like that. Kyle said often that Basic Training was like an extension of his mission. This was just one of the many things that reassured us that we had made the right decision to join the Army.
We spent the majority of the trip just hanging out in the hotel. Kyle just wanted to chill with us. My mom was nice enough to come with us so that I didn't have to travel pregnant with Khloe alone!
We did go to the mall...
When it was almost time to go, Kyle made a few videos for Khloe so that she could see her daddy. He sang songs with her, and told her goodnight, etc...
These videos made me cry everytime we watched them.... again with those pregnant horomones...:)
.Saying goodbye was so hard. I couldn't handle it! I felt so bad leaving Kyle there all by himself. At least I had Khloe, and our families. He had nobody, and I just felt for him. That was a wonderful trip and It couldn't have come at a better time. I don't think I could have made it much longer. I wouldn't see him again until September... Let the counntdown til September begin!
Here are some pics from the airport...
He was such a sweet-tempered boy right from the start! He acted so big, like he was a couple months old already. When it was time to eat, he latched right on like he'd done it a thousand times. He even held his head up just a few hours after he was born! He was such a little stud. I could not believe that we had created another perfect little person. 
